Ranma 1/2: Curse of Darkness
Chapter 1
Genesis
(Scene: The Tendo Dojo of Anything Goes Martial Arts. More
specifically, the bathroom. Genma, a squattish, bald man wearing
spectacles and a gi, has apparently just finished bathing. He walks
out the door, passing a pretty girl with long brown hair, wearing a
frilly yellow dress. She is cleaning the hall. He steps down the
stairs, passing by an attractive girl in shorts and a blouse who is
counting out yen while shuffling through various pictures of a
black-haired girl. A moment later, the black-haired girl, who is
wearing a green gi and is cute in a somewhat tomboyish way, runs out.
She is chasing a black-haired boy with a pigtail who is wearing a red
tunic and black pants, waving a giant mallet and screaming "Ranma no
baka".)
Genma: [Ah, young love.]
(He continues down a hall, and passes a tall man with black hair and a
moustache, who is pruning a tree. Finally he walks into the kitchen
and heads for the refrigerator. On the way he passes a calender. A
whole bunch of days are X'd out, stopping two spots before a day
highlighted by a red circle around it. Inside we see "R.B-day"
written. Genma fetches a plateful of food, then glances over at the
calender.)
Genma: [Hmm, tomorrow is Ranma's birthday. I'll have to do something
special for him and Akane. But first...]
(He sits down at the table and begins stuffing himself.)
********
(Scene: A street somewhere in the Nerima district of Tokyo. It is
early morning, and the street is relatively deserted. A cab pulls up
to the curb and its door opens. A tall boy steps out. His hair is
dyed green and his face is extremely attractive. He wears dark
sunglasses, jeans, sneakers and a muscle t-shirt. He has a leather
jacket in one hand, which he swings over his shoulder. The only thing
that dispels the illusion of a normal teenager are the diashyo, or
paired samurai short and long swords, he wears belted at his waist.)
Boy: So this is Nerima. I'm not impressed.
(A man climbs out of the cab and stands behind the boy. He is nearly
a head taller, has deep purple hair, and appears to be in his
mid-thirties. He is attractive, in a mysterious way, and wears a
business suit of sombre tan. He caries no weapon, but various objects
are attached to his belt-pouches, feathers, small bones, amulets and
other talismans.)
Man: I doubt it was built to impress you, Tzubi.
Tzubi: (snorts) Why'd we come here anyway, Amigi-sensei?
Amigi: To retrieve the lad who will restore the Society to its former
glory, Tzubi. The ancient pact of Ginkiri will soon be fulfilled.
Tzubi: So? Who cares about all that mysticism anyway?
Amigi(stern): Tzubi! I do, and I am your sensei, so do not question
me.
(He leans into the cab window and hands the driver a few bills; he
straightens again and the cab pulls away.)
Amigi: Come, we have much to do before tomorrow.
Tzubi(under breath): This is -really- lame.
********
(Scene: the road to Furinkan High. Akane walks along the road in her
school uniform, backpack held negligently in front of her. Ranma, in
his red satin outfit, stalks irritably atop a nearby fence. His own
backpack is slung over one shoulder, and he is nursing a bruise on his
arm.)
Ranma: (grunts) Geez Akane, you didn't have to use that chair.
Akane(indifferently): And -you- didn't have to call me a violent
tomboy.
Ranma: If you didn't always hit me, maybe I wouldn't call you a
violent tomboy...you violent tomboy.
Akane(tinsy bit peeved): You're treading on thin ice, Ranma...
Ranma: (laughs) Like you scare me! (laughs some more) That's rich!
Voice(from above): Nihao!
(Ranma leaps off the fence just in time to avoid being crushed by a
bicycle that falls from the sky and perches on the vacated section in
blatant disregard for all the laws of physics. He and Akane turn to
look at the new arrival with different expressions-Akane: mad, Ranma:
bored. Sitting on the bike is an extremely beautiful Chinese girl
with long purple hair. She is dressed in a silk outfit and her hand
rests on a large paper bag in the bicycle's basket.)
Ranma: What is it, Shampoo?
Shampoo: Shampoo come wish husband joyful day born! (smiles)
Ranma: That's birthday, Shampoo, and it's tomorrow. (looks proud)
I'll be seventeen.
Shampoo: Posh on morrow. Shampoo want give groom gift this day. She
make up for missing sixteen year.
Ranma(suspiciously): It's not another love potion, is it?
Shampoo: No, silly.
(She reaches into the bag and removes a box wrapped in silver paper
with a large blue ribbon)
Akane: It's not some magical trap?
Shampoo: Why would Shampoo want trap Ranma? She marry him, not
convict.
Ranma: (sighs) I may as well take it. She'll dog me all day if I
don't.
Shampoo(bewildered): Shampoo no dog. Is cat on occasion, but no dog.
Ranma: (shudders at the word "cat") Please, Shampoo... (takes the box)
What is it anyway?
(He starts to shake it; then pauses and thinks better of it.)
Shampoo: Open and find out.
Ranma: I make it a practice not to open my birthday gifts until my
actual birthday.
Akane: I never heard of... (Ranma glares at her) Oh...yeah...that's
Ranma's policy, all right...
Shampoo: Shampoo no steal gift. Why call police?
Ranma: No Shampoo, she said "policy". It means the way you usually...
(notices Shampoo's look of blank incomprehension) ...never mind.
Arigato, Shampoo.
Shampoo: Shampoo happy that husband happy. Bai bai!
(She rides off down the fence, and Ranma and Akane continue to school.
Ranma walks on the ground and examines the package.)
Akane: I wonder what it is...
Ranma: I don't know, but I'm not sure I want to find out. With my
luck it'll turn me into a toad.
Akane: You mean more of one than you already are?
Ranma: Hai...hey! (shakes it at her) I am not a toad!
Akane(sweetly): Of course not. (Ranma looks pleased) You're more of a
baboon when you get down to it.
(Ranma face-faults. They walk around the corner and Furinkan High
comes into view. A familiar figure leans idly against the gate. It
is a tall, handsome boy wearing a traditional kendo outfit. He is
absently toying with a bokken {wooden sword}.)
Akane(slight edge): Hello, Kunou.
Kunou: (bows to her) Gladly do I greet the flower of Nerima, for her
heart-stopping beauty and mind-numbing fragrance doth ever bring the
joy of heaven upon this warrior's aching heart.
Ranma: (he and Akane are much closer) Yo, Kunou! Whussup?
Kunou: (interjects his bokken between Ranma and the school) Nay, most
vile of sorcerers, thou art not welcome in this world of light. What
right have you, vile cur, to skulk along with my lovely one (Akane
looks peeved) and thus cast a shadow over her luminous beauty?
Ranma: This does.
(He grabs the bokken and jerks it forward. Kunou doesn't release it
and flies forward, his jaw connecting solidly with Ranma's well-placed
elbow. He crumples up, unconscious.)
Akane(chiding): That was a bit much, Ranma.
Ranma(incredulous): On -Kunou-? Are you beginning to go soft on him?
Akane: No. (they walk towards the school) It's just that every time
you do that, he only gets angrier with you.
Ranma: What do you want me to do? Let him kill me?
Akane: (shrugs) It wouldn't affect me all that much.
(They enter with Ranma in a sour mood.)
********
(Scene: The lunch room at Furinkan High. Students mill about while
excited chatter and the occasional laugh echo around. Ranma and Akane
sit alone at the table. She is pushing a paper bag-which is making
ominous noises-across the table at him.)
Akane(cheerfully): Eat, Ranma. I made it special for you, since they
won't let me help with dinner tomorrow.
Ranma: (sweating) Ah...that's okay, Akane. I'm really not all that
hungry.
Akane(cheerfulness straining): That's funny, just five minutes ago you
were complaining about your empty stomach. Now -eat-! (she pushes it
closer)
Ranma(increasingly desperate): No thanks, Akane. I want to be
conscious for tomorrow, or at least out of a hospital.
Akane(sweetly): If you don't eat it, you won't -live- to see tomorrow.
(Just then a cute, brown-haired girl steps up to the table. She wears
a uniform, but it has been slightly modified by a bandolier of
spatulas. She is carrying a plate, upon which is stacked several
objects that look vaguely like pancakes.)
Ukyou(cheerfully): Hi Ranchan!
Ranma(relieved): Ukyou! You're here...and you brought food! (he
snatches the plate) Arigato!
(He tosses all six okonomiyaki down his throat with one flick of the
plate.)
Ukyou: Actually, one of those was mi...
Ranma: Mmmmm! (rubs stomach) That was great, and I'm so full, I can't
eat another bite! Heh heh heh!
Akane: What about -my- lunch!?
Ukyou: Well...
Ranma: I couldn't possibly eat it now! I'd explode! (under breath)
Literally.
Akane(angry): So you prefer this bimbo's cooking to mine?
Ukyou: I am not a bimbo!
Akane: (whirls and glares at Ukyou) You stay out of this!
Ukyou: I will not! Take that back!
(The two girls appear to be about to come to blows, and everybody in
the room clears out a respectful distance. Tension builds as they
both try to stare each other down. Suddenly, the chair from a nearby
table glomps Ukyou.)
Chair: Ukyou-sama!
Ukyou: Aaagh! Get off me, you pervert!
(She peels the chair off and tosses it. It unfolds and lengthens in
mid-air, so that by the time it lands it is now a cute, brown-haired
"girl".)
Tsubasa: Ukyou-sama! Why are you being so evasive?
(Ranma steps up to the transvestite with a menacing scowl.)
Ranma: Because she doesn't like you. Come to think of it, neither do
I, but I'm a gentleman, so I'll give you ten seconds to leave before I
put you in traction. 10...
Tsubasa: (begins to batter at Ranma with ineffectual slaps) Go away
you love-stealer, or I'll hurt you!
Ranma: 9...
Tsubasa: Leave my Ukyou-sama alone, you mean man!
Ranma: 8...oh, forget it.
(He launches a haymaker which Tsubasa doesn't even see coming. He
feels it, however, as it sends him flying halfway across the room. He
stands up with a groan.)
Tsubasa: You...can't beat...me...I...have love...on...my side...
Ranma: You're pathetic, Tsubasa. Do us all a favour and don't come
back until you're a threat.
(He leaps across the distance and plants a powerful dropkick on
Tsubasa's skull. The transvestite falls back and hits the ground
unconscious. There is a light smattering of applause.)
Ukyou: (walks up) Arigato, Ranchan. Tsubasa's really starting to bug
me.
(Nabiki also comes up, flipping through a wad of bills.)
Nabiki: Arigato as well, Ranma. I made a tidy profit off that fight.
Ranma(slightly incredulous): Who bet against me?
Nabiki: (laughs) Nobody's stupid enough to bet against you anymore,
Ranma. We just bet on whether or not you'd actually reach zero.
Ranma(grumbles): Well, I'm glad -somebody- enjoys these little
episodes.
Nabiki: By the way, where's Kunou-chan?
Ranma: (shrugs) I disposed of him earlier.
Nabiki: (smiles) Arigato again. I just made 10 000 yen off that fact.
(she walks away)
Ukyou: Did you hurt yourself, Ranchan?
Ranma(surprised): Fighting Tsubasa? You can't be serious, Ucchan.
Akane: (walking up to them) You didn't have to be so cruel, Ranma.
Ranma: Akane, that was TSUBASA! He's even more weird than you are!
Akane(steams, but manages to control herself): Well...since you had
such a workout, I'm sure you're hungry.
(Pulls out the lunch-which is now making starting to move-and shakes
it.)
Ranma: Uh...what do you know! He did hurt me a little, and I
completely lost my appetite!
(Akane tackles Ranma and forces him to the floor. She then begins to
pry at his mouth with one hand, while holding a bento filled with
unidentifiable green glop in the other.)
Akane: You will eat! Eat! EAT!
Ranma: (struggling to push her off) Mmmr! Mmmr!
(Since he is struggling to keep his mouth closed, it is impossible to
understand him.)
Glop: Ya ha ha!
Ukyou: (sighs) I'd better help him.
(She walks over to save Ranma from Akane's cooking.)
********
(Scene: The Nekohanten. The restaurant is half-filled by the
dinnertime crowd. Shampoo is waiting tables, while a short, old woman
who is balancing herself on a gnarled wooden staff is operating the
cash register. Abruptly, the door flies open and a boy rushes in. He
is a Chinese boy of slim build, with long black hair and a voluminous
robe. He also sports a pair of pop-bottle glasses-which are nestled
snugly on his forehead. The boy runs up to a nearby customer and
slams a piece of paper down in front of him.)
Mousse: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!?
Customer: I have no idea.
Mousse: Huh? (his glasses fall down onto his nose) You're not
Cologne. Where'd she go?
(The customer points at the counter. Every other customer calmly
leaves money for their food and file out before the expected
explosion. Mousse rushes over to Cologne, waving the paper.)
Mousse: EXPLAIN!!!!
Cologne: I don't have to explain anything, boy. The letter explains
everything.
Mousse: (slams the letter onto the counter) Explain! Or I won't
follow this...inane law!
Cologne: (eyes narrow) You must follow the village law, boy.
Mousse: This isn't the village law! You just made it up!
Cologne: No I did not. This law just applies so rarely that it isn't
taught to the children.
(The old crone pulls a large, leather-bound book out of nowhere and
places it on the counter. She flips about halfway through it and
points at passage with her staff.)
Cologne: Here. Section 32, subsection 153, Clause 96, paragraph 89,
sentences 17 through to 51. I'll summarize: If a Joketsuzoku
boy-that's you-is interested in a Joketsuzoku girl-Shampoo-but is
unable to defeat said girl, and said girl is defeated by an outsider
male-Ranma-who has a fiancee who is unable to beat him-Akane-and the
Joketsuzoku boy-you again-is unable to defeat the outsider boy, then
honour and law demand that the two weaker ones-you and Akane-be
married so that they can make way for the two stronger ones-Ranma and
Shampoo. There. Simple, isn't it?
Mousse: I am -not- marrying AKANE!!!
Shampoo: (coming up behind Mousse) Course Mousse is. You obey law
just like Shampoo. Shampoo hope Mousse and Akane _very_ happy.
Mousse: (whirls to face her) SHAMPOO! You can't let her do this!
Can't you see she's trying to keep us apart?
Shampoo: Of course o-baba keep Shampoo and Mousse apart. Shampoo ask
her to. Shampoo no like you.
Mousse: You don't mean that! She's forcing you to say it! I love you
Shampoo, and I won't leave you!
Cologne: Yes you will, Mousse. It's the LAW!
(Mousse spins to face Cologne...almost. He's ends up shouting at a
painting.)
Mousse: We'll see about that! I'm going to go talk with Akane about
this! (turns and stalks towards the exit; whirls at the last second)
This is NOT over, you old troll!
(He turns again and calmly walks out the window. It was closed at the
time but he doesn't seem to mind. Shampoo sighs and pulls out a mace
with a large sphere on the end.)
Shampoo: You want Shampoo go stop Mousse?
Cologne: Why? When he gets within thirty feet of Akane, Ranma will
tear him apart. (laughs) Everything is going according to plan.
********
(Scene: A room of some kind. It has a traditional Chinese look to it
and is elegant and tasteful. Amigi and Tzubi stand in it, looking
about.)
Amigi: This will do nicely.
Tzubi: It's okay.
Amigi: Don't worry, boy. We won't be here long.
Tzubi: I don't know why we're here at all, Amigi-sensei. What if the
boy decides to be stubborn and not come with us?
Amigi: (smiles evilly and reaches into one of his pouches) That's what
I brought -this- for. (pulls out a clear glass container filled with
pink powder) Don't worry, he'll want to come with us.
(Tzubi looks at the vial with some distaste.)
Tzubi: More magic.
Amigi: What did you expect? I -am- a wizard, after all.
Tzubi: Fine. (shrugs) What if his relatives and friends resist the
idea?
Amigi: That's what you're here for, boy.
Tzubi: And here I thought you just enjoyed my company. (mock pain)
I'm hurt, deeply hurt.
********
(Scene: Somewhere near an ancient Shinto temple. A boy walks out of a
nearby rose patch. He is of medium size, with a bulky appearance. He
is wearing a yellowish tunic and dark green pants, and has a backpack
on, with a red umbrella strapped to the top. On his head he wears a
yellow and black bandanna. In his hands he holds a scroll, and he is
grinning like an idiot.)
Ryouga: I finally have it! (shakes the scroll) The Hibiki family
engagement scroll! With this, I can finally marry Akane! (laughs
like a madman, baring his fangs in the process; stops and looks
around) Now to find the dojo...
********
(Scene: The roof of the Tendo Dojo. It is night, and Ranma sits on
the roof, watching the stars. As he watches, a shooting star
disappears from the sky. He sighs sadly and continues to watch.)
Voice(from behind him): Ranma?
(Ranma looks over his shoulder and sees Akane. She is holding a
basket.)
Ranma: What?
Akane: You missed dinner, so I decided to bring you something to eat.
Ranma(suspicious): Did -you- make it?
Akane: (sitting down next to him) Baka! (she hits him lightly on the
back of the head) And no, I didn't make it. Now eat.
(He peers into the basket and sighs in relief. Pulling out a
sandwich, he takes an experimental bite. After a moment, he hasn't
exploded or started to lose consciousness, so he digs in.)
Akane: If you were this hungry, why didn't you come down to dinner?
Ranma: (pauses) I didn't feel like facing pop and Mr. Tendo. With
tomorrow being my birthday and all, they're probably going to push the
marriage thing. (sighs)
Akane: What is it?
Ranma: (after a long pause) It's been almost a year since this whole
thing started in China...and things have been going steadily downhill
ever since. It's like I can't win. No matter what I do, things just
seem to turn out worse...
Akane: [I've never seen him like this...]
Ranma: (smiles sardonically; almost as if responding to her thoughts)
I know, I usually don't whine quite so much. It's just that tomorrow
will be my birthday, and I really wish mom could be here... (sadly)
I'll probably never see her-at least, not as her son-again...
Akane: I'm sorry...
Ranma: (waves her off) Don't worry, I can handle it. I'd just like to
be left alone for a while...to think, and...
Voice: (not too far off) AKANE! RANMA! I must speak with you!
Akane(surprised): It can't be...
Ranma: (frowns) What does -he- want?
(Abruptly, Mousse leaps onto the roof. Ranma leaps to his feet and
launches a snapkick.)
Akane: Ranma! STOP! Mousse: NO! Wait!
(Ranma's foot stops approximately .05 inches from Mousse's face.)
Mousse: (sighs in relief) I have not come to challenge you, Saotome.
(Ranma pulls his foot down, but doesn't get out of his defensive
stance.)
Ranma: Oh really. Then what -are- you here for?
Akane: He said something about talking...
Mousse: Hai, I am here to talk. Something has occurred that I think
you should be aware of.
Ranma: What?
(Time passes. Akane and Ranma are staring at Mousse in open-mouthed
shock. He nods gravely.)
Ranma: She did -WHAT-?!?
Mousse: Somehow managed to engage Akane and myself.
Akane(enraged): I'll KILL her!!! (starts off)
Ranma(strangely calm): How?
Akane: (coming up short) What?
Ranma: You're going to kill Cologne. I'd like to know how.
Akane: Um... (anger fading away) ...well...I sort of...
Ranma: I'm glad you just remembered what you're up against, because
I'd hate to end our engagement with a funeral. That's messy.
Mousse(agitated): Well, we must come up with something! I have no
intention of marrying you, Akane Tendo, no offence intended.
Ranma: (to Akane) I trust the feeling's mutual?
Akane: Hai...
Ranma: Good. Then you and Mousse only have to do what Akane and I are
doing.
Mousse(expectant): Which is...
Ranma(flatly): Ignore it.
Mousse: Huh?
Ranma: Do what we do and ignore it whenever possible. When somebody
reminds you of it, you either ignore them too or beat them up.
Mousse: Wait a moment. That hasn't exactly helped you two out of your
problem...
Ranma: Are Akane and I married?
Mousse: (hesitates) No...
Ranma: Then I say it's working fine. No matter what, -nobody- can
force me to marry anybody. Not pop, not Ucchan, not even Cologne.
Simply ignore it and continue on with your life.
Mousse: Well...I... (decisively) Very well! I shall do as you
suggest. (he leaps off the roof)
Akane: That was almost noble, Ranma. I'm surprised...and impressed.
Ranma: (shrugs) I don't really have anything personal against
Mousse...besides him being a stupid, blind, arrogant, pathetic,
useless piece of trash that I'd rather step around then on. (pauses)
Besides, with a violent tomboy like you to worry about, maybe he'll
leave me alone.
Akane: RANMA NO BAKA!!! (she punts him into orbit)
********
(Scene: Ucchan's. Business is brisk, but the restaurant is not filled
to capacity. Ukyou is trying to be waitress, cook and cashier at the
same time, and doing an admirable job thanks to her martial arts
training. Presently, Amigi and Tzubi enter and sit down in a booth.
Ukyou comes over to them and flips open a bill pad.)
Ukyou: What'll it be?
Tzubi: What's your special?
Ukyou: Okonomiyaki.
Tzubi: What does the chef recommend?
Ukyou: Okonomiyaki.
Tzubi: Any deals or menu additions?
Ukyou: Okonomiyaki.
Tzubi: I think I sense a pattern here...
Amigi: We'll have two okonomiyakis...and some information.
Ukyou: (frowns) Information?
Amigi: Hai, we're looking for someone who lives around here. At such
a splendid place as this, he must be a regular.
Ukyou: (blushes) Well...what's his name?
Amigi: Ranma Saotome. He'd most likely be with his father, Genma
Saotome.
Ukyou: (gives them a hard stare) You're not planning on killing him,
are you?
Amigi(surprised): Of course not.
Ukyou: Or kidnapping him?
Amigi(puzzled): No...
Ukyou: Or dragging him off to marry some bimbo?
Amigi: No...
Tzubi: (cuts in) We're just old business associates of Mr. Saotome.
He owes us some money, and we thought that by searching for his son,
we'd be less likely to tip him off.
Ukyou: That sounds like Genma, alright. (smiles)
(Amigi gives Tzubi an appreciative look.)
Ukyou: Just go down this street and take a left. Two blocks down,
you'll see a building with the sign "Tendo Dojo of Anything-Goes
Martial Arts" on it. That's where he'll be.
Tzubi: There must be a lot of Tendo Dojo's around.
Ukyou: (smiles again) They named it, not me.
Tzubi: Yes, simple names are a lot nicer. What's yours?
Ukyou: Ukyou Kuonji. And you?
Tzubi: Tzubi Meskiro, and my sensei Amigi Diatonobi.
Ukyou; Pleased to meet you both. Your orders will be ready in a few
minutes. (she walks away)
Amigi: (as soon as she's out of earshot) That was unnecessary.
Tzubi: Just laying down the groundwork. She seems to know Ranma well,
and it would help if we were on her good side.
Amigi(relents): Not a bad idea...but I doubt we'll be around long
enough for it to make a difference.
Tzubi: (cocks an eyebrow) Don't you think Ranma will resist?
Amigi: I'm sure he is an honourable man, and will honour the pact when
we go to him tomorrow.
Tzubi: If you say so.
(The door opens, and a new person steps in. It is Nabiki. Tzubi
turns to look at her, and...corny music, roses, bubbles, sparklies,
her face shimmering and shining...she doesn't notice him and walks by
without a first, much less second, glance. He isn't quite as calm, as
his mouth is open an extra foot or so and his eyes have polymorphed
into hearts. Amigi snaps his fingers in front of Tzubi's face, and
the boy snaps out of it. He turns to Amigi, who is frowning.)
Amigi: What is it, boy?
(Tzubi looks past him at Nabiki, who is now standing at the counter.)
Tzubi: I must meet her...
Amigi: (frown deepens; -very- stern) Snap out of it, boy. We're here
on business, not pleasure.
Tzubi: (gulps) Hai, Amigi-sensei.
Amigi: Good.
(At the counter, Ukyou has just noticed Nabiki.)
Ukyou(cheerfully): Oh hello, Nabiki. What can I do for you?
Nabiki: I came to make sure you'd have that order ready for tomorrow.
Ukyou: Of course I will. Did you think I would forget Ranchan's
birthday?
Nabiki: (shrugs) Not really, no. They just wanted me to make sure, so
I am.
Ukyou: ...and charging them outrageous sums of money for the service?
Nabiki: Anybody stupid enough to think -you'd- forget tomorrow
-deserves- to be taken.
Ukyou: Well I'd have to agree with you in Genma's case. (pauses)
Speaking of money, I suspect Genma's going to be short of it pretty
soon.
Nabiki: (cocks an eyebrow) Oh?
Ukyou: (laughs) Oh no. I've known you too long for that. I don't
want Genma buying his way out of this one.
Nabiki: (shrugs) If you say so...of course, I -could- split the profit
50/50...
Ukyou: And miss the expression on his face? That's worth more than
all the money in the world.
Nabiki(mock shock): Blasphemy! (both girls laugh)
********
(Scene: The Tendo Dojo, the next morning. Ranma is just getting up.
He sits up, stretching and yawning, and looks around the room. With a
sigh, he leaps to his feet and pulls on a clean shirt. He strides out
of the room, down the stairs, and into the dining/living room. Around
the table sit the three Tendo sisters. Near the corner of the room,
Soun and Genma-panda are playing go.)
Kasumi(cheerful): Good morning, Ranma.
Nabiki: (not looking up) Ditto.
Kasumi: Please, have a seat.
Ranma: (sitting down) Thanks, Kasumi.
Kasumi: (pushing a plate heaped with food across to him) Here you go,
Ranma. A special breakfast for your birthday.
Ranma: (staring at it and drooling -just- a little) Arigato.
(suspiciously) Wait a minute...Akane didn't sneak anything in here,
did she?
(Akane glares at him. Ranma backs off and digs into his food with a
vengeance. Soun and Genma leave the game board and approach the
table.)
Genma(sign): {Happy birthday, Ranma.}
Soun: Happy birthday, son-in-aw.
Ranma: May mam nort nour mum-win-waw!
Akane: Don't speak with your mouth full.
Ranma: (swallows) I am not your son-in-law.
Soun: Oh, but you are...at least, you will be soon.
Akane(suspicious): Dad, what are you talking about?
Genma: {We've been studying some old scrolls} (flips sign) {we found
in the attic.}
Nabiki: We have an attic?
Soun: And we have discovered that according to the ancient traditions
of both our families, when a young boy turns seventeen, he comes of
age.
Genma: {So there is no reason...} (flips sign) {to delay the
marriage.}
Ranma: (leaping to his feet) I'll give you a reason. I don't want to!
Soun: You have no choice! Family honour and traditions -must- be
maintained!
Ranma: (trying to calm himself) I don't -care- about your traditions!
(suddenly grins) Besides, I can't marry Akane. She's engaged to
someone else.
(Stunned silence....more stunned silence...even more stunned
silence...then everybody starts talking at once.)
Akane: Ranma, you baka! What... Genma: {What the...?} Soun: AKANE!
What's this about... Kasumi: Congratulations, Akane! Nabiki: This
just keeps getting better...
Ranma: And to Mousse, no less.
(Another stunned silence. This one doesn't last quite as long.)
Akane: (driving Ranma into the floor with a mallet) RANMA NO
-BAKA-!!! You IDIOT! You jerk! You stupid...
Soun: (gigantic and surrounded by flames) AKANE!!! What is the
meaning of this?!?
(Ryouga rushes into the room, carrying a badly-wrapped present.)
Ryouga: Akane, I...
Soun: Why are you engaged to Mousse????
(Ryouga's jaw drops; his face falls; his heart shatters; his world
cracks.)
Ryouga(softly): Mousse... (growls in anger) -Mousse-!!!! (pulls out
his umbrella and shakes it in the air; doom) PREPARE TO -DIE-,
MOUSSE!!!!
(He rushes from the room, dropping the package in the process.)
Kasumi: I wonder why Ryouga was so excited?
(In the background, Akane and Soun are in a shouting match. Ranma
walks over and picks up the present as Genma uses the distraction to
steal everyone's food.)
Ranma: A present?
Kasumi: Ryouga must have been dropping it off for you, Ranma. Wasn't
that nice of him?
Nabiki: Yeah, real nice. You should check it for hidden explosives.
Ranma: Maybe he's just finally admitting that I'm the better man.
Nabiki: (smiles) Sure Ranma, sure...and maybe he's also going on an
all-pork diet.
Ranma: (shrugs) It doesn't matter why he left it, it's mine now. I'll
open it later.
(Happousai leaps into the room, carrying a beautiful, elaborately
wrapped present.)
Happousai: Ranma, I've brought you my present...well, part of it.
Ranma: (leaps into defensive position) Go away! Nobody invited you!
Happousai: (smiles) A small oversight, of course. That's what Queen
Victoria told me too. (nostalgic) They had such wonderful party
games... (frowns) Mostly involving being chased by people in red
uniforms and stupid black hats.
Ranma: I'm sure...what is it?
Happousai: (holds up a pair of fingers) I have two, actually. This...
(holds up the box) and something I'll give you later.
Ranma(flatly): What are they.
Happousai: (leers) Open it and find out.
Ranma: No thanks. Just toss it on the pile.
(The old lecher complies, then runs off without any fuss.)
Ranma: (frowns) Something's wrong...
Nabiki: (also frowning) Hai. I can't quite...
Akane: IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!!
Soun: YES IT IS! (crying insanely) WAAAAAH!!!! BETRAYED BY MY OWN
DAUGHTER! WAAAAH!!! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?
Akane: I'm -not- to blame! Blame that bimbo Shampoo and her troll of
a great-grandmother!
Soun: But you -must- marry Ranma! Waaaah!! (literal shower of tears)
Genma: {I believe her.}
Soun: And you, Saotome-kun, are you betraying me too?!
Waaaaaaaahhhh!!!
Ranma: Oh be quiet, you crybaby! (Soun looks shocked) It's only
another stupid amazon law. Ignore it, just like you're ignoring
Shampoo's claim.
Soun: You're just saying that! Waaaah!
(He runs from the room, leaving a trail of sodden carpet in his wake.)
Kasumi: I'd better go comfort him. (she follows)
Akane: (turning to -glare- at Ranma) What happened to -ignoring- it?!?
Ranma(defensively): Would you rather I let him force us to marry?
(Akane chases Ranma out of the room with her mallet.)
********
(Scene: A cityscape of some kind. The general sense is of a
futuristic society. This is enhanced by the fact that among the
humanoids walking about, there are also various anthropomorphs,
cyborgs, robots and some beings that defy description. Walking
through the middle of this is an angry-looking Ryouga.)
Ryouga: (grabs a robot and holds it up with one hand) Where is Mousse?
Robot: Hey! What are...
(Ryouga tosses it away and grabs a fox-man.)
Ryouga: Where is Mousse?!
Fox-man: (sweating) Try the supermarket.
Ryouga: (drops him) Hai. The supermarket.
(He wanders towards a large congestion of people. Pushing his way to
the front of the crowd, he sees a creature that looks somewhat like an
insane chipmunk in an aviator's cap. It is standing on a tiny podium,
addressing the crowd.)
Babo(creature): All the wonders of the world can be yours, for just
1350 DD's a pop! That's right, any wonder of the world! You, son!
(points at Ryouga)
Ryouga: Me?
Babo: Yes, you. You look like a boy who needs to go somewhere. So
where are you going?
Ryouga: The supermarket.
Babo(shocked): You don't need to go there! What is it you were
looking for at that (shivers) business?
Ryouga: Mousse.
Babo: You're in luck, boy! (pulls a tiny container out of nowhere) It
just so happens that I have mousse right here, and for only 20 DD's...
Ryouga: (shakes head) Not mousse, Mousse.
Babo: I assure you, this is the highest quality mousse available. It
was made by the ancient hair masters of the planet...
Ryouga(stern): Not mousse, -Mousse-!
Babo(comprehension): Why didn't you say so sooner! (tucks the
container away) I have what you're looking for!
(He reaches into a bag at his side, and with a great deal of grunting
and panting, he pulls out...a moose.)
Ryouga(angry): Not a moose, Mousse! Mousse! (picks up Babo and
begins to shake him) Mousse! Mousse! Mousse!
Babo: Agh! Help!
(Presently, a tall, good-looking woman dressed in a decidedly
unconservative outfit, carrying a sword and sporting a...tail...steps
through the crowd.)
Mian(woman): There you are! C'mon, we're leaving.
Ryouga: MOUSSE! MOUSSE! MOUSSE!!!!!
Babo: Help, Mian!
(Mian plucks Babo out of Ryouga's hands.)
Mian: What do you think you're doing? (mumbles) Not that I really
-mind- you strangling the little...
Ryouga: Looking for Mousse.
Mian: (walking off Babo in tow) Try the supermarket.
Ryouga: Hai...where's the supermarket?
********
(Scene: the Nekohanten. Cologne is closing up shop while Shampoo
wraps a package of some kind.)
Cologne(Chinese): <Come along, Shampoo. We mustn't be late for
son-in-law's party.>
Shampoo: <But nobody told Shampoo about the party. Are you sure
Shampoo was invited?>
Cologne: <Of course! As his bride, you're automatically invited to
all his parties.> (pauses) <Besides, today I think his...opinions will
change, and we mustn't miss that.> (chuckles evilly)
********
(Scene: a hangar of some sort. Outside, only the stars are visible.
Inside are various fighter craft which look like 20th century jet
fighters, but with some subtle differences. A klaxon is blaring, and
pilots in space suits scramble about and leap into the craft. Ryouga
walks in and looks around with confusion.)
Ryouga: I don't think this is the supermarket...
P.A.(woman's voice): All Veritechs scramble! Zentraedi assault force
closing in sector 2G alpha! All Veritechs scramble!
Officer: (running up to Ryouga) You heard the Admiral! Get into your
ship!
Ryouga: What ship? (the officer tosses him a helmet) I'm looking for
Mousse.
Officer: You should have showered before the attack! (drags him over
to a fighter) Now get in here.
Ryouga: (climbing in) Is Mousse in here?
Officer: (as the canopy lowers) Good hunting.
Ryouga: (looks around) Where's Mousse? Maybe one of these controls...
(He pulls down a lever marked "G". Outside, the fighter sprouts arms
and legs, reforming to look like a giant metal bird of prey.)
Ryouga: Whoa! What is this thing?!? I've got to get out of here!
(frowns) One of these buttons has to open the canopy...
(He begins pushing buttons and pulling levers at random. The ship
suddenly lifts on its thrusters, and with a screech of power, shoots
out of the hold.)
Ryouga: (pressed against his seat) YAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
********
(The street between Ucchan's and the Tendo Dojo. Ukyou walks down it,
combat spatula strapped across her back. In her hands she carries a
huge box, on top of which rests a smaller, gift-wrapped package. She
is grimacing with the effort of carrying the load.)
Ukyou: *huff* I never realized *puff* food could be this *gasp* heavy.
(Suddenly the packages are lifted from her grasp. She blinks and
looks over, to see Tzubi is now carrying the boxes.)
Tzubi: Allow me. It's the least I can do after you helped us out last
night.
Ukyou(grateful): Domo arigato.
Amigi: (walking up) Hello, Ms. Kuonji. (inclines his head) Good to
see you again.
Ukyou: (bows) The same...what are you two doing here?
Amigi: We're going to the dojo to see Mr. Saotome.
Ukyou: Ah. Well, I'm going there too, to see Ranchan.
Tzubi: Ranchan?
Ukyou: Ranma. It's my pet name for him. (smiles) We're engaged.
(Tzubi raises an eyebrow and gives Amigi a pointed look. Amigi frowns
and nods.)
Tzubi: Well, since we're going to the same place, I'll carry this for
you.
Ukyou: Thanks, but I'd like to take the present...it's Ranma's
birthday.
Amigi: We kn... (hesitates) ...never would have guessed.
(Tzubi hands the gift to Ukyou, and the three continue down the road.)
********
(Scene: A mist-covered plain. Ryouga stalks through it, with a
slightly scorched body and a determined expression. As he does so, we
hear the cries and shouts of a bunch of girls. Presently, something
charges out of the fog. Ryouga starts as it rushes towards him. The
creature appears to be made of stone, and looks vaguely like a short
woman with crab claws, tentacle legs, and a dust buster for a head.
It smashes into Ryouga, throwing him to the side, and disappears.
Just as he's picking himself up, five girls in tight-fitting sailor
suits also charge out and run over Ryouga. They yell to each other as
they run back into the mist.)
Ryouga: Ow...
(As he begins to get up, the creature charges out of the mist and
bowls him over again. He pushes himself up on his arms, but is driven
to the ground again as the girls rush out of the mist and one of them,
a tall brunette, leaps forward and uses his head as a springboard.
She flies into the air and pulls her hands in front of her face.)
S. Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!!!!
(A tiny metal rod extends from her tiara and launches a giant
lightning blast into the distance. From far off, there is a cry of
pain.)
S. Mercury: We have it now!
(The girls rush after it, not noticing Ryouga as they trample him
again. The lost boy lies still for a moment, then jumps to his feet
with an -angry- expression.)
Ryouga: That is -it-.
(He starts walking again. Suddenly, the rock monster emerges from the
mist-slightly crisped-and rushes at Ryouga.)
Ryouga: Not -this- time! (he jabs a finger out; as the monster
connects with it he yells) BAKUSAI TEN KETSU! (the monster is blown
into a million pieces by Ryouga's technique; he pats his hands
together) There.
(The girls rush into the area and Sailor Moon-who was in the
lead-spots the carnage and pulls to a stop. The other scouts do not,
and they promptly end up on the ground in a tangled heap. They begin
to yell at each other as Ryouga stalks away.)
*******
(Scene: the Tendo living room. There is a spattering of decorations,
the most prominent of which is a banner on the back wall which reads
"Happy Birthday Ranma". Ranma and his two friends from school are
playing Super Famicom, while at a nearby table Nabiki and some other
kids are playing poker. Shampoo and Cologne stand near the presents,
talking quietly to each other. Akane is chasing a leering
Happousai-who is waving a bra around-with her mallet. Genma has
planted himself firmly at the buffet table, and is devouring it at
approximately 50 m/hr. Soun is near the door, hie expression vying
between heart-wrenching sorrow and absolute euphoria. Near the
kitchen, Kasumi is smiling at Dr. Tofu, who is wearing a lampshade as
a hat and is bashing a potted plant into his rib cage. In the midst
of all this chaos, we hear a knock at the door.)
Ranma: (turns): That must be Ucchan.
Genma: I'll get it. (sucks the meat off a chicken leg) [That way,
I'll get first crack at the food!]
(He walks to the front door and throws it open. Standing outside is
indeed Ukyou.)
Ukyou: (stepping past a wide-eyed Genma) Hello Genma.
(Just behind Ukyou are Tzubi and Amigi. It is these two whom he is
staring at.)
Amigi(calmly): Hello, Mr. Saotome.
Genma(snapping out of his stupor): Hello.
(He slams the door in their faces and rushes into the living room.
Ranma and Ukyou have just finished saying "hello" when Genma runs in
and grabs Ranma's arm. He begins to drag Ranma away.)
Ranma(irritated): What are you doing, pop?
Genma: (smiles thinly) We're leaving.
Ukyou: (smirks) Leaving? Little short on money, huh?
Genma: (pauses) That too...but I'd rather not be short one son.
Ukyou: Wha...
(Suddenly, there is the sharp whishes and chops of swords being
wielded from the direction of the door. Everybody turns and stares as
the door falls in several pieces, and clatters to the floor. Tzubi
slides his daisho back into their sheaths and steps into the room,
followed closely by Amigi. Upon seeing the latter, Cologne's eyes
widen, and she begins to shake.)
Amigi: Tsk tsk. Mr. Saotome, one might get the impression you weren't
happy to see me.
Genma: Of course not, Amigi-san! Heh heh heh! Why wouldn't I?
Ranma(suspicious): Pop, what's this all about?
Amigi: And you must be Ranma. Good to see you again.
Ranma: I've never... (squints) You -do- look familiar...
Ukyou: Tzubi, what's going on?
(Tzubi doesn't answer her, as he is too busy staring at a frowning
Nabiki.)
Ukyou: Tzubi? -Tzubi-?!
Tzubi: (snaps out of it) Wha? Oh, Ukyou.
Ranma: You know these people, Ucchan?
Ukyou: Not really. We've met, but we don't -know- each other.
Soun: (towering and gigantic) Who are you people? What are you doing
in my house? And what have you done to my door?!?
Amigi: Mr. Tendo, I presume. I am terribly sorry about your door. Be
assured that I shall take the responsibility for the damage, and
reimburse you the money to replace it.
Soun: (calming down) Wha...uh...okay...
Amigi: And to answer your first two questions, I am Amigi Diatonobi,
and this is my pupil Tzubi Meskiro. We are here to ensure Mr. Saotome
upholds his part of the pact with DMSESREPBHPTT (pronounced
dem-ses-rep-bifft).
Akane: Pact?
Soun(ominously): Saotome-kun...
Ranma(more ominously): Pop...
Ukyou(most ominously): Genma...
Genma: Heh he he! (smile cracks a little) Did I forget to tell you?
Heh heh! Silly, silly me!
(Amigi looks around the room, blinks as he sees Cologne, and stares at
her. She glares at him.)
Amigi: C-C-COLOGNE?! What in the name of Ginkiri are -you- doing
here?!?
Cologne(icy): Amigi. I could ask you the same thing.
Ranma: (to Cologne) Wait a minute. Is this another one of your crazy
schemes?
Cologne: (glares at Ranma) No. Simply a family reunion, between me
and (polar) my husband.
(Stunned silence...long stunned silence...-very- long stunned
silence...)
Shampoo: Great-grandmother! This is...
Cologne(flatly): Your great-grandfather, hai.
Ranma: How can that be? He's barely over...
Amigi(regaining his calm): I'm much older than I look.
Ukyou: What's all this have to do with Genma? (looking over) Speaking
of which...
(Genma is tip-toeing out the door, doing his best to remain
inconspicuous. Everyone looks at him, and he stops upon feeling their
stares. He turns around slowly.)
Soun: Going somewhere, Saotome-kun?
(Genma looks around at the irritated faces of the crowd and sighs in
defeat.)
Genma: No...I suppose not.
(At that point, Happousai tries to glomp Akane. She slams him out the
door with a golf swing from her mallet.)
Ukyou: What -exactly- is going on here?
Amigi: (smiles) My pupil and I have come here to give Ranma
a...birthday present.
(He pulls out the powder container and uncorks it.)
Cologne(alarmed): Shampoo! Stop him!
Shampoo: (whips out her bonbori) Hai!
Amigi: Tzubi...
(Tzubi draws his swords and steps between Shampoo and Amigi.)
Shampoo: Get out of Shampoo's way!
Tzubi: I can't do that.
Shampoo: Fine! Shampoo -make- stupid-boy move!
(She rushes at him, her sphere-topped maces swinging in wide arcs.
Tzubi waits until the last possible second, then launches into the air
and spins end over end. As he does so, his swords flash downward in
brilliant silver streaks. He finishes his jump and lands behind
Shampoo in a kneeling position, with his swords held at odd angles.
Shampoo remains motionless until he stands up, then slowly turns to
face him. She is apparently uninjured.)
Shampoo: Ha! You miss!
Tzubi: (smiles) No I didn't.
(Abruptly, the spheres on the ends of Shampoo's bonbori fall off and
land on the floor. They remain for a moment, then each split into
eight identical wedge-shaped pieces.)
Shampoo: Nani?!?
Tzubi: KIIYYAAAA!
(He launches a pivot kick which catches the shocked Amazon on the jaw.
She remains standing for a moment, then collapses in a heap as Tzubi
resheathes his daisho.)
Ranma: (blinks) He beat Shampoo?
Akane: Wow.
Amigi: Here, boy. CATCH!
(He tosses the container at Ranma. The contents defy gravity by not
spilling as the opened bottle flies end-over-end through the air.
Just as Ranma catches it, the powder explodes around the boy.)
Cologne: (already rushing towards Ranma) Nooooo!
********
(Scene: A park somewhere in Nerima. Mousse is performing katas with
his various weapons on top of a tree stump. He stops as he hears a
growl behind him.)
Mousse: (turning) Who...
(It is revealed that Ryouga is standing there.)
Ryouga: MOOOUUUUSSSEEE!!!! (snatches off a handful of bandannas)
DDIIIIIEEEEE!!!!
(He begins to toss them, rapid-fire.)
Mousse: YAAAAAA! (dodges off the stump) What did I do...?
********
(Scene: A bus depot, somewhere in Japan. It is raining. We see two
people standing by a bus, preparing to enter. One is a woman, she has
her back turned to us and and a hood over her head. She is carrying a
duffel bag, which has a large cardboard tube attached to it. Next to
her stands a boy. He is wearing a raincoat with the hood up, and is
not carrying any luggage.)
Woman: Are you -absolutely- sure he's in Nerima, because...
Boy: Yes I am. He's been there for some time, actually.
Woman: I must thank you again for telling me this.
Boy: (shrugs) As long as you help me with my problem like you
promised, then we're even.
Woman: (nods) Hai. Come, we mustn't miss the bus...
TO BE CONTINUED...
Thus ends the first part of Ranma «: Curse of Darkness. Or CoD-which
is not a fish-for short. If you like it so far, be sure to read the
next chapter, "My Name is Senchi". By the way, it should be said that
CoD will completely alter the Ranmaverse as we know it! If this
doesn't agree with your idea of a fanfic, don't read it! Remember,
you -were- warned.
Blade and Epsilon
